Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s here now, writing to you.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Three Seconds of Strength Training a Day Is All It Takes to Build Muscle Without Spending Hours at the Gym: Here’s How to Do It - The Daily Galaxy

I had run out of hope.

It’s still here.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Scientists Stunned by Evidence of Ancient Birds Nested in the Arctic - The Daily Galaxy

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

The sadness was still there.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Rocket Report: SpaceX’s 500th Falcon launch; why did UK’s Reaction Engines fail? - Ars Technica

I was tired of fighting.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Is 1500 calories enough for a 5’3 15-year-old who is non-active?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Be who you already are.

Aaron Rodgers was Steelers’ ‘third option’ at quarterback before pairing came together - New York Post

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Have you ever been forced into bestiality?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

For an unpublished short story writer, what magazines or online publications offer the best chance of being recognized?

You are like me, then.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

And the sadness?

Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?

I was tired of trying and failing.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Capivasertib given to breast cancer patients in Wales for first time - BBC

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.